The feeling of self-unworthiness is one of the biggest causes of anxiety and depression.
When you have no self-worthiness, you are reluctant to connect with others and tend to live in isolation.
Why some people are happy and in full of joy and confidence in themselves and they are in self-acceptance and love and others are feeling low self -worthiness feeling depressed, in self-judgment and hatred towards themselves.
Tara Brach, a clinical psychologist describes, 3 simple processes to overcome self-unworthiness.
2. Observing your own feelings
3. Offering loving kindness to yourself.
When you have self-hate or self-judgment the primitive part of your brain gets activated. That means we are in a state of fright, flight or freeze state and under stress. We have then, activated our red alert system constantly looking out for danger or threat.
That is why offering lovingkindness is so important to neutralise this effect. When we have the loving kindness to ourselves we activate prefrontal cortex. They are the parts responsible for compassion, reason, and empathy.
When we do the step one, we realise that thoughts are just thoughts, we can detach from them and we are separate from thoughts., This is so liberating for people who have been troubled by thoughts for decades. Some people have had economical downfalls, relationship breakups, job losses just because they were caught up in their negative thought streams.
Even when you realise that thoughts are just thoughts, you can still be caught up in your emotions that feeling unworthy still. That is why the 2nd step is important. When you keep in touch with your feelings in the body, mindfully being aware, you will realise that they come and go in waves changing constantly. Like the waves in the ocean. You are the ocean, the feelings are the waves. Even though the emotions are part of us, we will realise they are not whole of who we are. They don’t define us, and we can be separate and free of them too. We can change how we feel instantly. When we observe our feelings and name it we identify it objectively without judging or feeling fear.
When we name the feeling, it activates the left frontal cortex. That inhibits the limbic system which is the power center for our emotions. When we name it, it allows time and space for the part of the brain that is responsible for reasoning and perspective to inform the limbic system what emotions are needed and appropriate. When the frontal cortex gets activated it lessens the potential for emotions to take over and possess us.
When we take time to observe, we relax, there is more room for the waves to come and go. We don’t get agitated by them, we can become just the observers. When you start noticing your feelings, you notice that it was your thoughts that were causing these feelings of fear and inadequacy.
When you change your thoughts, they are no longer there. We must let these thoughts. We must not stop these thoughts because when we resist they cannot escape and the emotions get built up. We must let the thoughts and feelings move through us like the waves, while we observe non-judgmentally. As they move and we don’t resist, they keep subsiding and ultimately, stop on their own. By acknowledging our fears and feelings of unworthiness we acknowledge suffering, rather than trying to escape or deny. Facing it and acknowledging it allows us to be detached free from it.
When we observe our own thoughts and feelings we realise how much pain and suffering they cause. When we acknowledge that suffering, we are able to feel compassion for ourselves. Put your hand on your heart and feel genuine compassion for you. Offer loving kindness to yourself, offer words of compassion. Feel the waves of caressing you and hugging you. You as the ocean you are cradling the waves of thoughts and emotions allowing them to be and move through you like a mother carrying her children. Now you are caring lovingly for the wounded part of yourself.
Self-judgment is often so deeply wired. It requires intense training to rewire and let go of those patterns. When you continue this practice, you continue to keep uprooting them. Repeat this hundreds of times not just during your formal practice but during the day, while you are living your day to day routine.
You will see a profound change in your life as you move through your self-judgment to tenderness and love for your self. When you start feeling love and compassion for yourself, you will start relating and connecting with your loved ones in the most fulfilling way. You will not feel so insecure, frightened, resentful and exhausted. You will live your life joyfully, purposefully and be adding value and meaning to other peoples lives too. You will love and accept yourself and others unconditionally. You will feel the same love for you and others. Self-compassion leads to embracing and accepting others. It leads to world peace. This is the only way to create world peace and not through wars or campaigning against the wars.
© Copyrights reserved by Dr. Sophie Jayamaha 3.02.2018
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